Sing, Dance, Celebrate- The West INDIAN way!!

How many times in the history of sports has it happened that the player who the opposition is  most wary of, fails and a new hero(a villain, if you're an opponent!) emerges? The Argentines didn't expect Mario Goetze of all people from Germany to score the winning goal in the deciding minutes of the FIFA worldcup 2014! The goal hit Messi and his men and his billion fans like a dagger in the heart. They hadn't planned for him. He only came in as a substitute and became a hero.

Similarly, last night while the whole of India was waiting with bated breath to see what Chris Gayle had in store, something unexpected hit the Indians. Lendl Simmons, who was not even a part of the original squad was flown in to replace Andre Fletcher and landed in his adopted home ground of Mumbai just a couple of days prior to the match and batted like the luckiest man in the world should- catches went for sixes, and those caught clean were only off no-balls. Andre Russel who had so far not had much chances with the bat came up to the party and batted like he was a stereoisomer of Chris Gayle! 

In the end it was a hard fought game and the 40 thousand spectators in Wankhede who had 5 years ago gone ecstatic when Dhoni hit that winning six were numbed into silence as Russel deposited a Virat Kohli full toss into the same stands! 

But something unusual happened even as India bowed out of the worldcup at home. The fans who everyone expected to be bitter and angry were surprisingly not so sad and indignant. If you went through the social media feeds immediately after the game was over and even on the morning after that, you would ve surprisingly seen a lot of positive messages. Indian fans supporting their team and praising West Indies for their spirit. It was something highly unusual. Imagine if we had lost in a similar fashion to Pakistan. Imagine if it was Mohd Hafeez in stead of Simmons.. Imagine if it was Afridi in stead of Russel. Would the reactions have been same? I highly doubt.

And this is exactly where West Indies come into picture. A team with a great history, a team that produced so many inductees to the ICC hall of fame is today but a sad shadow of its rich past. Its a mediocre side. No doubt about it. Ask them to play test cricket and this same side side would collapse in 2 or at best 3 days and party for the remaining 2 days. And this exactly where t20 has come to the rescue of West Indies cricket and its fans. The format suits their style of play. Its all about flair, athleticism and power; something this current bunch of West Indians are blessed with in bountiful amounts. Technique, temperament and patience is not their game. And luckily not much needed in a t 20 game. It is as though t 20 cricket was made for west indies. We all love to see them sing, dance and celebrate. Even when Dwayne Bravo took a catch on the boundary line and brought out his 'champion' moves, Indian fans weren't angry. The fact that we lost to a bunch of  such lovely and ebullient individuals has only made this defeat more palatable. Nobody was made Yuvraj Singh(read: scapegoat) this time and this is what we must actually thank windies for! 

So, when they take the centre stage in Kolkata, the erstwhile capital of British India, I am sure every single Indian fan will be cheering for West Indies and might even sing, dance and celebrate with Bravo, Sammy and Gayle on that "Champion.. Champion..." song..

Indians are not in the finals but hey, west INDIANS are!! So, sit back on Sunday night and watch these amazing entertainers on the cricket field take action against men who ruled us for 400 long years.. Now, is that enough a reason to support them? ;-)

"Everybody knows Chris gayle is a Champion.. Bravo's a Champion... Champion.. Champion."

''An Easter that never arrived.. #LahoreDiaries.''

''An Easter that never arrived.. #LahoreDiaries.''

 For Rahim and Carl, studying in class 4, it was a holiday on 25th March.
It was Friday for Rahim. Good Friday for Carl.
And as their parents had asked them to do, they prayed.
And so they prayed, in different languages, adopting different postures, but the crux of the prayer remained the same- For peace and sanity in a chaotic 'world'.
By the way, the definition of this big word, 'world' for them was small and simple- it was just a place from school to church/mosque then to Gulshan e Iqbal park in the evening, back to home and sleep till they were awakened by the calls of Azaan to repeat the same sequence the next day and next and next...
For their 8 year old brains, the prayer only meant a ritual, a ritual that would be  followed by their favourite
sweet dish if it was Friday for Rahim and if it was a 'Good' one for Carl.

That evening, on a Friday that was 'good', they stormed out of their homes and went to play at the same place- Gulshan e Iqbal park.
Rahim was taller than Carl but Carl was more muscular.
Carl often used to annoy Rahim by saying his muscular strength was only because of the pork which his family secretly purchased and served him.
Rahim was in no mood to enjoy this joke. Not on Friday.  Not after his prayers where he was advised by some elders, that Muslims consider pork unholy.
Angered by the joke, Rahim asked Carl to compete him in a see-saw game. Apparently, Rahim thought there was much more to a see-saw match than just bulky muscles.
Carl jokingly said, ''I will just fling you up in stratosphere(a new word he had just learnt from his geography teacher but of which he had no definite idea!) if I sit on your opposite side of the see-saw assembly.!''
And just as he had foretold,
 Carl lifted him up, up, up in the air until Rahim shouted, ''I quit'' much to Carl's glee who roared out loudly, ''I win!''
Another boy, possibly two years elder to Carl was watching all this from a distance and thought he would join in and have some fun too.
He approached them and said that he was the King as far as the game of see-saw was played  and challenged them for a match.
Rahim quickly glanced upwards and saw the evening sky turning dark and told Carl it was time to go home. Carl, however was determined to take on this senior boy and wanted to establish his supremacy over the kingdom of see-saw(an innocent 8 year old really thought he would be the king of see saw matches if he beat this guy!).
''Your mom will get angry. It's Good Friday and you need to be home before sunset! Remember?'' Said Rahim.
''Oh yes. I do!'' Said Carl and whispered, ''But I need to beat this bully!''
Rahim said it could not happen that day. He had to leave homewards.
After much persuasion by Rahim, Carl gave up but not before fixing up the match with that guy on the day of Easter, on Sunday.

 The Easter day.
Another hot afternoon in Lahore.
And as decided, Rahim and Carl went to the Gulshan e Iqbal park for what Carl proudly remarked was going to be, ''The greatest match of see saw ever in the history of mankind!''
It is 29 th March today. 2nd day after the noise of boom followed by screams of little children and young adults and a few old ones had spelled doom for the entire Lahore.
A day, Rahim's father, before Rahim and Carl went out to play, had in his trademark exaggerated fashion heralded the arrival of summer by saying, ''Soon the sun will be in all its fury and burn down our land!''
Little did he know, his summer would come early. As early as the evening.
And he would still shiver with fright and cold sweat on a warm evening of 27th March, 2016. There was something bad in the air. Something dark, smoky, something ugly that day.
Perhaps, it was just not a perfect weather to play ''the greatest match of see-saw'.
Carl's dad reflected in his moment of utter sadness,
The summer of  2016 will never come for Rahim and Carl.
Tomorrow will be the 3rd day after the gut wrenching Lahore suicide blasts, and Carl's mother will be hoping it's an Easter and pray for her son's resurrection, at least to see him sit on that now lonely see-saw assembly in the Gulshan e Iqbal park where she knows children and adults will still continue to gather, the next Easter and the next..
Rahim's father will carry on with his 'rituals' as usual, offer Namaz to Allah for restoring some sanity in the callous minds of those who also proclaimed to follow 'Islam'.

More than 80 people died in the suicide blasts in Lahore on 27th March. The suicide attacker was a guy my age! His organisation claimed that the attack was targeted towards Christians who had gathered to celebrate Easter in the Gulshan e Iqbal park in Lahore.  Little did they know, there were people of all  religions and all faiths but one-terrorism, who had gathered in the park.
#LahoreDiaries.
-Devashish Palkar

''Random rumblings-1''

Every so often at the traffic signal, outside the garden, or at any other random place of public gathering, it's not hard to miss little boys in tattered clothes, with toys in their hands, which they know they are never meant to play with. The toy-sellers. Your heart feels saddened knowing that theirs is a childhood that's never meant to play with toys but to sell one. How ironically poignant it is??
They sell toys to the more privileged kids and find happiness and these privileged kids in turn get happiness as they get to play with their favourite toys.
How inconsistent then is the definition of HAPPINESS??
Is happiness then a byproduct of our need or greed??
For a boy who sells a toy, happiness arises out of his need, a need for money, for survival. For a boy who already has plenty of toys waiting at home, happiness arises out of his greed.

Irony is life in action, a balance of opposites in perfect magnitude.
For every suicide attacker, we ve a soldier ready to be a martyr. For every weed, we ve a blossoming flower. For every ugly moth we ve a beautiful butterfly.
The world runs on a balance of opposites. We call that stark reality a contrast, nature calls it a law of existence.

But, is the toyseller never meant to buy toys for himself then? That's a question for which I have no answers. Yes, with time to come, we can only hope there are less toy sellers and more toy buyers. That's my wish for the new year.
But that's a wish too utopian.
May be there can be more even distribution of resources some day, until then, buy a toy from the toy seller, and gift it to someone and make both happy. That's the little we can do to keep the economy circulating, for the stable economy is the one where money changes hands frequently, isn't it?

Just some random rumblings....

- Devashish Palkar

Ahead of Mumbai ODI, Imran Tahir sells all his property in Pakistan!

 A satirical article which got more than 12 thousand shares!!
http://www.criclife.com/humour/satires/ahead-of-mumbai-odi-imran-tahir-sells-all-his-property-in-pakistan-54724  

''Alok Nath to play a cameo role in the next Bond movie!''

''Alok Nath to play a cameo role in the next Bond movie!''

In the land that gave the world Kama Sutra, new James Bond movie, SPECTRE has been censored by Indian film board and has been asked to remove the kissing scenes which features the lead, Daniel Craig.
It has come as a great surprise to its Hollywood producers who are now wondering how a sanskari country like India became the world's second most populous country in the first place!
The Hollywood producers of  Bond flick said, ''This was something we didn't expect. James Bond is loved by all. This is intolerance! I think it's a deliberate move to save the image of Emraan Hashmi as the sole kisser boy of Indian cinema. We have asked Mr. Mark Zuckerberg to stop all posts with #SanskariJamesBond .
You can't troll James Bond like that!''

However, an Indian Bond fan has come to the rescue of producers. He has made a great suggestion by asking the producers to rope in Alok Nath, the most sanskari actor of India to play a camero role in next Bond flick along with Daniel Craig. The bond fan, Akshay 007 said, ''If Alok Nath plays even a second's  role, the censor board will believe that the movie is totally sanskari and then even give the movie a U certificate without even having to censor the scenes!''

Meanwhile, after learning about this development, the producers of Jungle Book are now worried that their movie will also face the wrath of censor board as it has a boy roaming around in a jungle semi naked with only a chaddi! 
Who knows, Alok Nath might again grab the role in Jungle Book which should easily put him in an elite club of Bollywood actors acting in Hollywood which until now only Irrfan Khan and Anil Kapoor were proud of.

- Devashish Palkar

''A Girl in the Valley!''

''A Girl in the Valley!''

Blessed with natural beauty, she lives in a world where she believes magic can happen every day. Mostly, it is because of the bed time stories her grandma narrates her; of flying reindeers, of talking trees, of charming princes and angelic fairies.. There is nothing wrong in the world of this 4 year old daughter of nature. Her world is in perfect order, a state of blissful harmony where her grandma tells her stories all day long while her mother spends most of her time looking after the only goat they rear and her father goes out in search of any little work he can get.
Her day starts with the sun and sets with it,  the only thing she dreams about though is a sunny day where she can play all time with her friends  on the mountain top. Alas, most days are now shrouded by the dark clouds that have started to hover over her world, gripping her with an unfamiliar fondness. The sun never shines brightly these days and her friends hardly come out to play.

- Devashish Palkar

''Confused chicken: An autobiography''

''Confused chicken: An autobiography''

Last evening one of my cousins was crossing the streets of Mumbai and got killed. There were some fresh earthworms coming out from the gutter line and as he has been well-taught, 'early bird catches the worm', so he decided to run fast across the street for a sumptuous dinner. But, as he reached on the divider, he saw Uddhav Thackeray and his men ready with swords and knives to kill him. It was a ruse. He quickly turned back and saw Maharashtra CM, Devendra Fadnavis on the other side of the road and decided he should rush back to Fadnavis for protection. In that frenzied moment, as he turned back, an over speeding car hit him and tossed him up in the air, higher than he had ever flown, and killed him. I strongly suspect, Salman Khan's driver was driving the car. Anyways, i want to stay away from that debate. I will let you humans discuss that. But yes, if  Kailash Kher was present there at that moment, he would definitely have sung, ''Toota toota ek parinda aise toota ke phir judna paaya!''
This is just one of the incidents to describe the dire conditions of my flock. We chickens aren't just food! We're birds too. When we are alive, nobody loves us except probably Joey and Chandler in 'Friends' who kept my elder NRI cousin as their pet. In India though, the conditions are far worse for us. We are not cows for Hindus to consider us holy. We re not pigs either to be saved from travelling a Muslim's colon!
We're chickens. And now you humans are politicising us. And even making satires on us as if butter chicken and chicken burgers don't satisfy you. You're obsessed with us. Don't get us into this political melange. And if you think we've become that important for nation, may be declare us as your National Bird by replacing that snobbish peacock. If you impose ban on nonveg food, we will stay alive for the winter, catch swine flu and then you'll kill us for that. We're as such doomed. Please let us know how you're going to kill us. Personally, I would prefer dying in an air conditioned KFC outlet when I am desired by people than to be killed like an abominable thing when I get infected with Swine flu.
Please end this misery and the mystery. It's becoming a sort of curiosity for us regarding how we're going to die. How we came into this world is still a mystery- The egg came first or the hen? Don't let death become a mystery too. If you don't do it soon, we will commit suicide by standing in front of Salman's car and then you'll be able to continue with new debates and news stories. May be you humans need to revise that quote -
''Curiousity kills the cat.. and also the chicken!''

(P.S. This is just a work of pure fiction+ eccentricity!!)

- Devashish Palkar